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Setting Boundaries Without Guilt: The Art of Protecting Your Energy

  • Writer: leigh milne
    leigh milne
  • May 4
  • 4 min read

On last week’s episode of Transcending Trauma, we explored one of the most transformative—and most requested—mental health topics:

How to set boundaries without guilt.

If you’ve ever said yes when your body was screaming no…If you find yourself exhausted from over-giving…Or if the word “self-care” feels impossible in the face of constant demands…

This episode—and this blog—is for you.

Boundaries are not about pushing people away.They’re about bringing yourself back. Back to your body. Back to your truth. Back to a life that aligns with your needs, not just others’ expectations.

Let’s dive into how to feel, speak, and hold your boundaries—without guilt or shame.

💭 What Are Boundaries, Really?

Boundaries are not walls.They are energetic agreements that protect your time, space, and emotional well-being.

They help define:

  • What is okay and what isn’t

  • Where your responsibility ends and someone else’s begins

  • What you need in order to feel safe, respected, and supported

But here’s the truth: most of us were never taught how to set boundaries. Especially if you grew up in an environment where your emotions were dismissed, where people-pleasing was praised, or where your worth depended on performance, compliance, or keeping the peace.

🧍‍♀️ How Boundary Issues Show Up in the Body (Psychosomatic Signs)

When you chronically override your needs, your body will let you know. Here’s how poor boundaries often manifest somatically (in the body):

⚠️ Common Psychosomatic Signs:

  • Chronic fatigue or burnout→ You’re giving more than you have to give.

  • Tight throat or chest pressure→ Suppressing your truth or struggling to say no.

  • Shoulder or neck tension→ Carrying burdens that aren’t yours.

  • Digestive issues (IBS, bloating)→ Difficulty “digesting” emotional stress or absorbing others' energy.

  • Teeth grinding or jaw tension→ Repressed frustration or resentment from unspoken boundaries.

  • Bloated stomach or tense stomach→ stuffing down frustration and resentment from unspoken boundaries or perhaps stepping into other's boundaries, oversharing information about yourself or trying to control the situation

  • Anxiety, nervous system hypervigilance→ Constantly scanning others' needs over your own.

  • Low back pain→ Energetic depletion and lack of inner support.

Your body is your boundary.Learning to listen to these signs is the first step toward healing.

💬 What to Say: Boundary Sentences That Are Clear, Kind & Guilt-Free

You don’t need to be aggressive to set a boundary. You can say what you mean and mean what you say, without being mean when you say it! You don’t owe long explanations or apologies.

Here are 5 gentle, powerful sentences to help you say no or create space—with compassion:

  1. “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m not available right now.”

  2. “I want to give that the energy it deserves, and I’m not able to do that at the moment.”

  3. “That doesn’t feel aligned for me right now.”

  4. “Let me sit with that and I’ll get back to you.” (This gives you time to tune into your body.)

  5. “I’m learning to protect my energy, so I’ll need to say no to that for now.”

  6. “I am already donating my funds to XYZ charity at the moment but thank you for asking anyway .”

These responses are:

  • Direct but not defensive

  • Respectful to others and yourself

  • Designed to support emotional safety (yours and theirs)

🧘 What to Do: Somatic Tools for Honouring & Holding Boundaries

Boundaries are not just intellectual. They’re deeply somatic—your nervous system must feel safe enough to say no.

Here are 5 body-based tools to help you set and hold your boundaries:

1. Pause & Feel Practice

Before responding to a request:

  • Close your eyes

  • Take 3 deep breaths

  • Ask: “What am I feeling? Do I have the energy for this?”

Your body knows the answer before your brain does.

2. Anchor Your Boundary with Breath

After setting a boundary, try this:

  • One hand on your heart, one on your belly

  • Breathe in: “It’s safe to honour myself.”

  • Breathe out: “My needs are valid.”

This regulates the guilt response and reinforces the new pattern.

3. Self-Compassion Statement

Say to yourself:

“Even if they’re disappointed, I didn’t do anything wrong.”


“My yes means more when I honour my no.”

4. Create a “Not Available For” List

Write down 3 things you are no longer emotionally or energetically available for.Example:

  • Explaining myself when I say no

  • Doing things out of obligation

  • Overextending to avoid conflict

Keep this list where you can see it.

5. Body-Based Aftercare

After a tough boundary conversation:

  • Move your body gently (walk, stretch, shake it out)

  • Use grounding tools (barefoot on grass, warm tea, essential oils)

  • Journal: What did I need in that moment? What am I proud of?

🌱 Final Thoughts: Boundaries Are a Healing Practice

Boundaries are not a betrayal—they are a reclamation.

Every time you listen to your body, speak your truth, and protect your energy, you are teaching your inner child:

“You are safe. You are worthy. Your needs matter.”

You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to explain yourself. You just have to start with one act of self-honouring at a time.

💌 Want Support?

If this blog resonated with you, listen to the full podcast episode:🎙️ “Setting Boundaries Without Guilt” Now streaming on Podbean, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.

Or explore our growing library of holistic healing resources at👉 www.transcendingtrauma.com.au


Until next time, Breathe deep. Honour your truth. And keep transcending. 💛

 
 
 

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